Saare jahaan se kachcha..
How many times have you wondered what it would be like if India made it to the FIFA World Cup finals…
The crazed fans would shout “we want 4s and 6s” not realizing that goals, unlike runs are hard earned. Coach Chappel after been recently awarded on his comprehensive yet controversial book “The alternative uses of the digitus tertius (middle finger)” is too busy picking his olfactory organ in his palatial Amby Valley home. Captain Deewar Dravid would be our defence main stay and Dhoni the wicket oops goal-keeper would miss a few goals in the process of grooming his golden locks. Irfan Pathan, Sreesanth and Co. will be shown the red card for handling the ball and Sehwag for slogging his way at the opponents. Yuvraj and Kaif would be visible only during the celebration of any goals. They would have earned quite a reputation for their "austropithecus sapiens" a kind of “one on one” celebration ritual. Anil Kumble, the ace spinner aka bender still hasn’t learnt the art of guess what??.... “Bending”. Bhajji has developed a new delivery called the “ikkeesvi” or the “21st”after realizing that his doosra, teesra etc didn’t work in cricket; what the rat’s arse will they work in football? Tendulkar is out because he is nursing his “football ankle” or “achilles-epicondilytis”. Last but never the least our bench strength is lead by a topless (old habits die hard!!) dada-our own prince of Kolkata. All our players would run only 22 yards and then pass the ball to the next available player who in all probability would be of the other team. Our formation would be the 1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1 formation. After seeing such as a bleak eventuality, do we still want India to make it big in football??
But before that lets take a sneak preview of the potential competition we face from super powers like Togo, Ghana, Serbia & Montenegro et all…
Let me put in a few figures to get some perspective after all 93.13% of all statistics are “male cow- faeces”.
Disclaimer : All the figures in this survey are true and any resemblance to other figures true or most importantly false are purely deliberate. I am God and you low lives have nothing better in your pitiable existence than to read further and swear by the random number play below:
India v/s (Togo+ Ghana+ Cote d’Ivore+ Angola+ Tunisia+ Ukraine+ Croatia+ Serbia &Montenegro+ Czech Republic)
India - (read as minus) The Superpowers= “blatant shamelessness”
Area - 3287590 sq kms. (-) 2869553 sq kms. =418037 sq kms.
Pop. - 11033371000 (-)144530546 =10888840454
GDP ($) - 3633000000000 (-)293629430000 =3339370570000
Now lemme throw some sense into the ridiculous number of zeroes mentioned above. In short after discounting for the space for 9 potential football world cup finalists’ we still have close to a few million people producing a few billion dollars as GDP.
Sometimes the genius of Harsha Bhogle adds a sort of black humor to our already miserable lives. He recently made a seemingly harmless observation that a presently defunct country named Yugoslavia broke into three countries and guess what?? Each one of them made it to the finals this year!!! Surprising??
Dwelling a bit more on Yugoslavia-when Sania “nose ring/weird tees” Mirza, made it to the top 30 in tennis, India hastily named a mania in her name and buried her in endorsements. Tea and soft drinks, I understand but petrol & diesel??? is just plain ridiculous. And last heard she is giving global gyaan to youngsters who want to make it "BIG" in tennis. I hope she practices her speech before the mirror every day; it might help you know!!! Guess what..?? in Martina Navratilova and Monica Seles, Yugoslavia had already produced two world no. 1s’ in tennis and that too as early as 1990.
Here’s some more trivia S&M aka Serbia & Montenegro (not Sadism & Masochism) won their independence as early as Feb 4th 2003 and infact Montenegro has been declared separate from June 6th 2006. Meanwhile mera bharat mahaan is basking in the 59th year of its glorious independence and still remembering the 1950 Brazil world cup when India was invited by FIFA and the Brazilian Football Federation but didn't take part because most of the Indian players played the game barefooted. Wow!!, after that fatal miss of almost a platinum-opportunity, it seems as if a billion dreams of cheering their own nation at a football world cup finals would remain unfulfilled.
No wonder Adidas doesn’t sell well in India. After all we the people strongly believe in “Everything is Impossible” and yet in the U.K their campaign with Fauja Singh, ironically a 94 year old N.R.I is a big hitand that too with an anti-thesis-“Impossible is nothing” slogan . What is “it” with Indians who go abroad huh??
Anyways heres some food for thought will we make it to the world cup at least before a "yet to be" born nation???
Keep guessing….
posted by Lathishdavinci @ 6:42 AM
5 Comments:
do we really need to get into football worldcup that desperately :o
did ghana or yugoslovia or any of the mentioned nations produce an amartyasen or gandhi or sachin ...
every nation has its own preferences, may it be sports or politics or anything. whatever we are good at, improve the things there and get better.
@ chandu
dude,after being ruled by foreign elements for over 200 years;it would only be natural for a race to produce the so called gandhis and amartya sen!!!countries like the ones i mentioned go out about doing their jobs unassumingly..nd India on the other still clings on the apparently useless "culture" and "history"!!nd its not a war of countries really..coz if it is do u really wanna take on minnows like ghana,yugoslavia????
dude,
I guess you have to write slighly smaller blogs. Readers will lose your core idea if you continu at this pace :)
I guess before you start comparing all those numbers you also need to discount for a few things like PPP, based on which India comes up as the fourth largest economy after US, Japan and China. Your point is well taken since the real output of the economy and the per capita GDP are better indicators.
Added to this other economic indicators such as literacy of women, children, infant mortality all are bad indicators.
I still however fell you should not mix-up India's poor performance at sports with the country's economic scenario.
dude u r input on writing smaller posts is well taken...thanx!!!
i guess it s exemplified by the fact the u misunderstood the core idea of the post, urself!!
my point is not 'to India's poor performance at sports with the country's economic scenario'...
its jus an effort to elucidate the fact that we havent yet woken up to the real world...
complex as it may seem..it s a simple concept!!!
neways thanx for ur constructive criticism..
I guess I read you post too fast!! Although you say interesting things, I feel you have this inherent cynicism towards an Indian attitude of clinging to its past.
My opinion on this is to first agree with you that we tend to cling a little more than we should. It is good to have a old great culture, but we also need to move on. However, we also have to appreciate soem of the real reasons for this clinging behavior. Not being an expert on sociology of cultures, I do not want to venture into lengthy explanations of this. However, it woudl be nice if you can read popular works by 'Jared Diamond' to get a perspective on differences across cultures and as to why "white man rules the world".
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